


Line art is made of empty spaces. (We were never a masterpiece.)

by oathkeptroxas



Series: White Lies 'verse [2]
Category: DCU (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Discussions of Demisexuality, First Meetings, Heartbreak, Implied Unrequited Love, Loss of Virginity, Open Ending, Pining, Romance, sexual identity crisis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-04-27 00:00:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14413299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oathkeptroxas/pseuds/oathkeptroxas
Summary: Jason meets Kyle at a coffee shop. Things get complicated.A White Lies time stamp.It's not /absolutely/ necessary to have read the verse before reading this. But it is recommended. This is better appreciated in context and contains major spoilers for the main story.





	Line art is made of empty spaces. (We were never a masterpiece.)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!! It's that time stamp I started writing before i even posted the main story epilogue and then forgot about!!
> 
> This is set between the final chapter and the epilogue, during Jason's college days. I hope you like it!
> 
> Time stamp requests are open over on Tumblr @ oathkeptroxas.

The aroma of coffee was strong and bitter in the air. People bustled around, jarring each other as they passed. Jason didn't think he'd ever seen the cafe so busy. It was usually in direct competition with the chain coffee shops, and therefore didn’t see as much custom. That was why Jason liked it so much, it had a quaint sort of charm, a relaxed atmosphere that was perfect for getting through his studying, no matter the workload.

The Starbucks on the corner was closed for renovations though, and the cafe was heaving with people. Though Jason was tucked away in the corner on a two-seater table, he could tell that there wasn’t a single seat spare in the whole place, save for the chair opposite himself, at his own table. So really, he should have expected somebody to want it for themselves. 

He was several pages deep into an essay, typing furiously on his laptop. His focus was so dedicated to his work that the sound of someone clearing their throat caused him to jump. In his peripheral, he saw somebody’s fingers curled around the top of the free chair. He glanced up to see a young man, about his own age, he was wearing a beige polo-neck sweater with a dark denim jacket. He had a large sketchbook tucked under one arm, and slicked back black hair. Jason raised an eyebrow.

“Hey, sorry to bother you.” He greeted, his smile was wide and his hazel eyes sparkled. “Is anybody sitting here?”

Though Jason would’ve preferred to remain alone, he knew he couldn’t deny this stranger the only available seat, especially when he had no intention of using it. He gave a nod and waved toward the chair.

“No, go ahead. It’s yours.” He told him, before ducking his head to continue his paper.

It was clearly too much to hope that the newcomer would be the quiet type. But of course, things very rarely went favourably for Jason, so it shouldn’t have been surprising. After the scrape of the chair across the tile as the stranger took a seat, it was only a few seconds before his voice sounded again.

“I’m Kyle, by the way.” He offered, as he brought his coffee to his lips. It smelt sweet, like cinnamon, and there was a generous dollop of whipped cream on top. 

“Jason,” He replied, without glancing up from the screen of his laptop. 

He typed a few more sentences, and thankfully Kyle stayed quiet. The cafe continued to bustle around them, people knocked into the table haphazardly every so often, and Jason could feel his irritation rising. His fingers paused over the keys as he took a deep, calming breath. Jason could feel Kyle’s eyes on him, it was already awkward enough to have to share a table with a stranger, without the stranger sneaking glances at him. He'd managed to type up a few more paragraphs by the time Kyle spoke again.

“Uh, sorry to bother you again,” he began. “But are you done with that?”

Jason looked up to catch Kyle gesturing towards what remained of Jason’s black coffee. There was only a little bit left, and it had long gone cold. In truth, Jason had been so engrossed in his studies that he’d forgotten about it. His brow furrowed, unable to comprehend what possible interest Kyle could have in it. Then he looked across the table further, saw the sketchbook open before the other boy. Then he caught sight of the messy-quick sketch. 

“Why are you drawing me?” Jason demanded, uncomfortable with the attention. At least he now knew why Kyle was staring at him.

“Life drawing is great practise,” Kyle shrugged. “Plus, I couldn’t pass up such an aesthetically pleasing subject.” He winked.

_Is he...flirting with me?_ Jason pondered. The thought made his fists clench. He’d spent over 2 years avoiding anybody who may have shown a speck of interest in him. He knew that it wasn’t healthy, that he should be over it by now. But, he didn’t know the first thing about how to patch up his broken heart.

Not to mention, he had a complicated relationship with his sexuality. He just...couldn’t find it in himself to date. There were tons of guys that he found nice to look at, but it never went past that. He had no interest in pursuing anything. It was almost like if he didn’t love them, he couldn’t feel any kind of real attraction. It was confusing, like he was doing everything in reverse. He knew that he had to give people a chance. He would only ever know if he _could_ be attracted to people if he took the opportunity to get to know them, put in the effort. 

But, opening up to the concept of loving somebody else, would be to admit that he didn’t love Roy anymore. His breath hitched at the thought and his eyes clenched tightly shut. He couldn’t go there. He still thought about Roy every day. He wondered if he was happy. He hoped he was, even if he couldn’t be a part of it.

“So, uh,” Kyle tried again after the silence grew awkward. “Can I have that?” He once again gestured to the dregs of Jason’s coffee.

“Um, sure. I guess.” 

As soon as the words were out of Jason’s mouth, Kyle reached across to grab the cup. He bent to retrieve a small paintbrush from the messenger bag at his feet. Jason watched in fascination as Kyle dipped the paintbrush into the coffee, before swiping the bristles on the rim of the cup, to wipe away the excess. He gently began to fill in the sketch, drawing out shadows with heavier use of coffee. Begrudgingly, Jason was impressed. No matter how uncomfortable he had been at the prospect of somebody drawing him, he had to admit the likeness was striking. 

He tore his eyes away from the paper, and finally looked at Kyle. He actually searched his face and catalogued his features for the first time. He was attractive, a sharp jawline and a relaxed little smile. There was a smudge of something on his forehead, blending up into the front of his hair. It was green, bright and obnoxious, some kind of paint. As if Kyle didn’t already scream _art student._ Jason snorted.

“What?” Kyle asked, affronted.

“You, uh...You got a little...something-” Jason pointed to the smudge. Kyle reached his own hand up. He felt the dryness of the paint on his skin, how it had crusted in his hair. 

“Aw, fuck. _Really?_ ” Kyle bitched. “Figures. Here’s me trying to be charming with a fucki-”

Jason laughed, loud and free and for the first time in entirely too long. Suddenly, Kyle stopped whining, gazing at Jason as though he’d be happy to embarass himself day in and day out if it kept Jason laughing. 

“Hey, I’m gonna go and wash this shit off in the bathroom. Why don’t I get us both new coffees on my way back?” Kyle smiled widely.

“Oh, you don’t have to do that,” Jason tried to dismiss. He was flustered by the suggestion, unaccustomed to people being so forward with their interest. 

“I insist,” Kyle grinned. 

There was a part of Jason’s brain that just wanted him to stop sabotaging himself for once. It liked to remind him of the things his heart was still in denial of. _Roy is gone. You can’t stay hung up on a guy who was never yours to begin with._

With a soft sigh, Jason nodded to Kyle. “Black. Two sugars.”

“Coming right up!” 

Jason watched Kyle walk away, wade through the throngs of people. Once he was out of sight he turned back to the open sketchbook, to the image of himself, half filled in with coffee. There was something about this whole experience that was almost surreal. Until it happened to him, Jason didn’t think things like this ever actually happened at all. He turned his attention back to his essay then for a few minutes. 

He should have known, given how busy it was, that Kyle would be gone longer than expected. Jason glanced over to the counter, Kyle was still a few patrons away from being served, but he was already watching Jason when he turned towards him. Their eyes caught and held, and Kyle even gave a dorky little wave and dropped a wink. It occurred to Jason then, that anybody who didn’t know them, would most likely assume that they were here on a date. The thought made something inside Jason sting. He’d never gone on a date before.

He couldn’t help thinking that his first date should’ve been with Roy. It hurt to think about the fact that they’d taken too long to realize what they’d had between them, that by the time they’d figured it out there was too much in the way. They’d practically been dating the whole time if he thought about it. They saw each other almost every day. They told each other things they never told anybody else. They shared intimate touches as easy as breathing. They had loved each other even then. And it had all crumpled to ash. Roy had destroyed them. But despite that, despite what Roy had done, Jason still carried a torch for him. 

It had been over two years since they’d last spoken to each other, since he’d last even seen Roy’s face. The devastation of their final conversation replayed in Jason’s head almost daily, it gutted him every time. There was so much he wished they’d done differently, so much wasted time. Roy had been his first love. He’d wanted Roy to be his first everything, and the last thing he’d ever said to him was ‘fuck you’. 

But it was too late now for anything to be done about it. Though Jason had tried to convince himself that moving on was necessary for his own happiness, he just couldn’t seem to do it. It was all so much easier in theory. 

Kyle was nice, and attractive, and talented. He seemed flustered and a little nervous too, which set Jason at ease. He found he wouldn’t mind getting to know Kyle better. He couldn’t promise himself anything more than that. But maybe it was time to put in a little effort.

Before long, Kyle returned and set the fresh coffees on the table. He took his seat and resumed his art. Jason took a deep breath, prepared to meet Kyle halfway. He owed it to himself to try.

“So, what’s with the coffee thing anyway?” He asked, genuinely curious as he gestured to the paintbrush.

“Oh, it’s an assignment. We have to create one piece of art each day this week. They all have to have still life references and have to be completed with unconventional methods or materials.” Kyle explained, not looking up from his work. 

“You’re really talented.” Jason told him.

Kyle beamed then, looking up at Jason with sparkling eyes. “Thank you!”

Jason found himself ducking his head a little. It wasn’t like him to get shy. He was often reclusive, a part of it was just his nature. But with his troubled childhood, guarding himself and being generally untrusting had been necessary for self-preservation. So, though Jason wasn’t exactly a social butterfly by any means, he never would’ve considered himself bashful or shy. He rubbed a hand over the nape of his neck anxiously. He decided not to dwell on it, before putting his hands back to the keyboard.

They continued working in a companionable silence. Jason found that he was over the initial awkwardness of having Kyle study him. In its own way, it was flattering. For the first time since losing Roy, Jason found himself hopeful. 

Shutting people out wouldn't do him any good. He'd already wasted too much time. Maybe he would never feel that spark of attraction for Kyle, maybe he would never want physical intimacy with him, or anyone. Maybe Kyle would leave if that were the case. But for now, Jason decided to just cross that bridge when he came to it. It was nice to have somebody interested in him. It felt nice to be wanted. And if the worst happened, and he couldn’t be what Kyle needed, then he would deal with it. After all, not being enough for someone wouldn’t exactly be a new thing.

Making a decision, and knowing that he wouldn’t be able to stick around after he’d taken this step, Jason hastily finished the page he was working on. Then, he tore a piece off of paper from the bottom of his notes, and scribbled down his phone number. He cleared all of his belongings away in silence, the scrap paper held tightly in one hand.

“Oh, you’re leaving?” Kyle asked. He sounded a little dejected, and watched as Jason bolted the last of the coffee that Kyle had only just bought him.

“Yeah, sorry,” Jason gave him an awkward half-smile. Tentatively, he placed the number down in front of Kyle as he stood and shouldered his laptop bag. “It was nice to meet you. Thanks for the coffee.”

“You’re welcome,” Kyle said softly. He lightly grasped Jason’s wrist, and met his eyes just long enough to give him a sincere smile.

Jason stepped away then. He made his way through the crowd and into the street. He felt shaken to his core, like his skin didn’t fit right. He couldn’t decide if he liked the feeling, but he knew there was no denying that things were about to change.

_______________________________________________________ Two days passed before Kyle called. Jason hadn’t known whether to expect any contact at all. He didn’t realize until his phone was ringing on the desktop before him, that he’d assumed a text would come through eventually. The number flashed as _unknown_ , but Jason knew that it wasn’t likely to be anyone other than Kyle. He was completely blindsided and unprepared for an actual phone conversation, regardless. So much so, that the call nearly went to voicemail before he could get himself to react. He quickly answered.

“Hello,” He said a little breathlessly.

There was a moment of silence, and Jason briefly wondered if maybe it wasn’t Kyle after all. Before he had time to overthink the ramifications of that, a somewhat unsure voice spoke up.

“Hello? Jason?”

“Yeah,” Jason responded, cautiously.

“Hey! Hi! This is- um, Kyle...from the coffee shop?”

Hearing Kyle sound so unsure of himself made Jason feel a lot more grounded. He couldn't help the amused little smile that came over him.

“Yeah. I remember.”

“Great!” Kyle said enthusiastically. Then he cleared his throat, as though reigning himself in. “I mean, of course you remember, right. Anyway! I was hoping to take you out some time.”

Jason blinked for a few seconds. He guessed he could admire the straight forward approach. Like a band-aid, fast and painless, no tip-toeing around it. There was really no point in wasting both of their time by building up to this. Kyle was obviously interested, and if that interest wasn't reciprocated it was better to just know straight off the bat. 

But even though Jason appreciated that sentiment, things really weren't that cut and dry for him. It wasn't that he was _un_ interested in Kyle. He certainly had qualities that Jason sought out, or admired in others. But he couldn't just make himself want someone. 

Jason took a deep breath. He needed to put himself out there. It was a scary thought. He knew a lot of people wouldn't understand, and he was afraid of potentially, unintentionally leading someone on. He was even more afraid of not being able to give someone what they wanted, or worse still, someone trying to take what they felt they were owed by force. 

But he couldn't squander opportunities for companionship. He couldn't keep isolating himself. He wouldn't let it get far enough for him to be made vulnerable. He'd go on the date, test the waters. 

“Uh, yeah, sure. What'd you have in mind?” He answered eventually.

“Awesome!” Kyle cried. “Um, well. I hadn't really thought that far ahead. Didn't wanna get my hopes up.”

Jason quirked a brow at that. Was Kyle being genuine, or just feeding him a line?

“We can do whatever you want to do!” Kyle told him eagerly.

Jason should've felt comforted by the fact the ball was in his court, but it just made him more nervous. They didn't know each other well enough to have any idea what they might enjoy doing. They had no knowledge of any potential common ground. Jason sighed.

“How about we just do dinner? We can get to know each other a little better so we actually know what to plan.” Jason suggested.

“For future reference, huh?” Kyle said softly, teasingly.

Jason cursed himself. He hadn't meant it to sound like that. He hadn't meant to essentially agree to a second date before even having the first one. When did his foot decide to live in his mouth?

“When were you thinking?” Jason blurted, desperate to change the subject.

“How about Friday night? I’ll make reservations somewhere nice, then meet you at the coffee shop for half 6?” Kyle asked.

It was a huge relief to actually have some semblance of a plan. Jason also found it comforting that talking on the phone didn't feel as stilted as he'd feared it would.

“Sounds great.” Jason told him. “See you then.”

“Bye, Jay.” Kyle told him softly before he hung up.

Jason stared down at his phone in his hand, his grip on it tightened. He tilted his head back and closed his eyes for a second or two.

“What the fuck just happened?” He muttered.

Jason was apprehensive. It wasn't what he’d imagined his first date to be. He was a hopeless romantic at heart, though he hid it well. He'd always thought it would be about chemistry, a relationship built up over time. A friendship set on fire. _Like he had with Roy._

He couldn't go there. It wasn't about that. Just because he hadn't necessarily expected to go straight to dating, it didn't mean that things wouldn't work out. They could just see how it goes.

_______________________________________________________ When Friday finally rolled around, Jason refused to over analyse it. He dressed semi-casual, black jeans, a crisp white button down shirt, and a leather jacket. He figured it was normal to be a little anxious.

He sparked up a cigarette to help calm his nerves. His fingers trembled slightly in the cold as he stood in front of the cafe. He lent back against the wall and people watched as he waited.

He briefly wondered if Kyle would have an issue with his smoking, but he quickly dismissed the thought. He'd done enough over thinking for a lifetime. Either Kyle would like him or he wouldn't, and vice versa. 

Kyle arrived a few minutes later, his smile was warm and friendly. He asked about Jason’s week, and seemed genuinely seemed interest in the answer. His hand felt warm and comforting as it rested on the small of Jason’s back as he gently steered him in the direction of the restaurant.

They discussed their studies as they walked, and though Jason didn't fully understand a lot of what Kyle was saying, he was enamoured by the amount of passion Kyle had for his work. When they finally arrived at the restaurant, Kyle held open the door as Jason passed. It was a little cheesy and formal, but Jason appreciated the effort all the same. He was pleasantly surprised to see the place wasn't overly posh, it was nice and well done up while still maintaining a laid back atmosphere. The tone for the whole evening was pretty much set from there.

By the end of the night, Jason decided that he was passed caring about the why's and how's. He didn't want to dissect every snippet of conversation. He was no longer interested in finding some grand eureka moment when his sexuality would suddenly make sense. What it really came down to was that Kyle was a nice guy. He was sweet and considerate and talented. And interested. 

Despite not knowing the full capacity of his own feelings, Jason enjoyed Kyle's company. That alone was enough grounds for a second date. When Kyle kissed Jason’s cheek as they parted ways, all Jason could think of was: _What was I so worried about again?_

_______________________________________________________ As the weeks past, and rapidly turned to months within the blink of an eye, Jason felt that he was almost born anew. It was a slow revelation, he still struggled a lot with how he felt and what that meant. But Kyle was sweet and patient, and Jason felt like he could talk to him freely without fear of judgement. It helped. 

“When you're ready. Only then.” Kyle murmured into the skin of Jason’s back. “You know that.”

Some days, under such careful affection, Jason felt like weeping. He never did though. He reserved that for nights alone when he still couldn't shake the ghost of Roy. It was those nights that truly gutted him. He was lost in the knowledge that he had such a great guy, yet he still felt alone. 

Sometimes he would be lost in gentle caresses. They were laid out on the sofa, Kyle held Jason tight to his chest. Kyle’s hand had snuck under Jason’s shirt and was rubbing soothing circles into the skin of his hip. In one moment Jason was content, but in the next that sinister voice would creep in and remind him of what he had lost. The feeling of Kyle's skin against his just left him reeling. _That skin isn't pale enough. That skin isn't freckled._

Do paintbrushes leave the same calluses as drumsticks?

But as time wore on, Jason learnt to compartmentalize. He learnt to live in the moments, just allow himself to feel the fondness that he knew Kyle held for him. He reveled in the confidence that he'd never known he'd had until Kyle. But still, he couldn't shake the thought that something was missing.

_______________________________________________________ It was nearly six months into their relationship when Jason felt the first stirrings of something. It was a slow building heat in his gut, a warmth blooming in his chest. It was a sizzle under a skin and an itch he couldn't scratch. He hadn't felt this want, this _longing_ since Roy.

He latched onto Kyle, laid out over him on the couch. He tucked his head under his boyfriend's chin. He wasn't brave enough to look him in the eye yet but…

“Wanna be close to you,” he found himself murmuring.

“You are, Jay,” Kyle chuckled fondly as he looped an arm around Jason’s waist.

“You know what I mean,” Jason complained, and God, why did it sound like he was pouting?

But Kyle was careful, and slow. In the following weeks, Jason learnt things he'd never thought to imagine about his own body. They progressed from above clothes petting, to tentative handjobs, and Jason had even been the lucky recipient of a particularly skilful blowjob. 

_______________________________________________________ It was nearly 9 months into their relationship when things really changed. Jason was laid out on the bed, nothing but a sheet slung low on his hips covered him. Kyle was hard at work on a sketch. 

Kyle loved drawing the human form. Over the course of them knowing each other, even from that very first day, Jason had been a model in different capacities. But this was different.

“No one will know it's you,” Kyle had whispered into Jason’s collarbone as he pleaded. He laid down a trail of kisses. “I won't draw your face. I promise.”

So there they were. Jason had caved, and he was laid out for Kyle’s undivided attention. The sketch book held an image of Jason’s torso, from the long column of his neck to the sharp jut of his hips. Kyle was enraptured.

“This feels weird,” Jason bitched.

“It's fucking hot,” Kyle refuted.

Jason just quirked an eyebrow at him incredulously. Kyle gave him a pointed look.

“Babe.” He whined, “Don't spoil my fun.”

Jason just snorted at him. For a long time after that, the only sound was the soft scrape of the charcoal against the page, and the puffs of their laboured breathing. Jason tilted his head back, closed his eyes, and tried not to think about Roy.

Some time later, Kyle abandoned the sketch. Maybe it was completed, maybe his self control just couldn't hold out any longer. All Jason knew was that one moment he had been zoned out as Kyle drew him, and the next he was pinned to the mattress. Kyle hovered over him, his dark eyes held something deep. Jason didn't even want to think about what that look could mean. It was wrong that if it meant what Jason thought it might, his only thought was: don't say it. Please, don't say it.

Even still, when Kyle covered him in kisses, and asked for permission to go that extra step, Jason granted it happily. He wanted to feel like he belonged, like he was good enough for someone. He wanted to be overtaken with physical pleasure so that he could ignore the ache in his heart. He just wanted to pretend. Time got a little lost after that.

_______________________________________________________ He looked down at his body in the moonlight. With the sheet pulled back he could barely make out the charcoal smudges, like fingertip bruises upon his narrow hips. One glance over his shoulder told him that Kyle was out cold, he lightly snuffled into the pillow as Jason got up off of the mattress.

His fingers twitched in agitation, and he knew he was unlikely to find sleep. With a tired sigh, he reached down for his discarded jacket and fished out his cigarettes. It was in moments like this when Jason wished that he could just stop trying to over analyse everything, let himself have peace. He always killed his own happiness before he even got the chance to really feel it.

Quickly, he snagged a pair of boxers from the ground and tugged them on. He couldn't tell if they were his or Kyle's. It didn't matter. As quietly as possible, he made his way over to the window. He took a step and was met with the muted crunch of a charcoal stick beneath his foot, it was rendered to dust that clung to and stained the underside of his toes.

“Fuck,” he breathed lowly. 

Taking care to avoid any other mishaps, he finally made it across the room. He slid the window open, and perched on it's ledge. The street below was quiet in the dark of early morning, and the fire escape rattled slightly in the breeze.

The packet of cigarettes was set aside after he retrieved one and put it to his lips. Jason sparked up, and took a long drag to calm himself. He watched, almost mesmerized, as the smoke swirled outward into the night air. He knew Kyle wouldn't approve, but what he didn't know couldn't hurt him.

Jason’s eyes were drawn back to the bed. He watched the muscles of Kyle's back ripple slightly with his heavy breaths, as his sleeping body reached across the mattress, to Jason’s now vacant half of the bed. A pang echoed through Jason’s chest at the sight.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. The world and every tale of romance had lied to him. He thought he would feel different, reawakened. But ultimately what he learnt was that sex isn't earth shattering. There was no love that could be made from the friction between two bodies.

That's not to say it was bad, because it really, _really_ wasn't. It was nice, felt reassuring to be so close to someone. It left his body lax and sated. There was a part of him that wanted to crawl back under the sheet with Kyle and not over think it. But, he kept waiting for the moment when he would look at Kyle and just _know_ , like an epiphany, like a promise of something permanent. It never came. 

The part that truly plagued him, was that amidst it all, Kyle had said it. _I love you._ When it was finished and they'd been tangled up in each other, still coming down and catching their breath, Kyle had cupped his face. He'd stared at him with so much genuine care, such endless, sincere devotion. He'd breathed _I love you_ like a promise, like the way that phrase should always be said. Jason had wanted to weep. His lips moved but no words came. There were none. He couldn't say it back.

This had never been built to last. Jason had often worried that he had been leading Kyle on. He hadn't meant to, he wished he could be what Kyle needed him to be. But he couldn't lie to him. He could no longer try to placate him with half truths. 

The real kicker was that Jason did love Kyle, in his own way, at least as much as he was able. But not in the way that Kyle meant it, not in the way they both yearned for it. He wished more than anything that it could be enough. It was like some Shakespearean tragedy. Jason would know - he'd read them all.


End file.
